days and days

Can't sleep, can't turn my mind off I am raising and I feel like I am falling when I close my eyes.

I keep losing weight, 14 pounds since the end of august. Not bad since I need to, but weird because I haven't been doing anything to cause such a reaction, or I don't believe I have.... unless all this time I only needed to read large amounts of text for hours on end, oh moho.

I feel desperate.

Sex, drugs, and texbooks

I very much enjoy my friday class schedule, because I have no classes. Thursday I am done at 12:15 and thats when my weekend starts. How I missed fun friday nights with no drama, just good people and dancing.

But homework fulled saturdays and sundays along with every other night not so much fun. It was a Div's birthday party last night, and waking up this morning was not so easy, especially when I had to drive and meet my parents and sister Courtney and her boyfriend Scott for breakfast. However now I have a freshly baked apple pie and matzo ball soup from mi madre and lots of reading to complete while multi-tasking and doing my 300 plus reading... mmm college

When we sing, when we sing... stars fill up my eyes

Have you ever been serenaded too? Not a mariachi band per say but more like a group of lovely ladies? I can officially check that off my bucket list.

This past Sunday night I was invited to join the Diversions (Divs) A Cappella group here at Moho. Grand Grand GRAND! Saturday was full of additions for three groups, and then I had two callbacks on Sunday starting at around nine am and ending at five fifty to be precise. Two and a half hours later I find out that I got in!

This is more of a mile marker then it may seem. I have been taking a two-year sabbatical from voice, and this is my way of getting back into doing something positive and productive that I enjoy immensely.

So, needless to say I am very excited for this endeavor. I have my first rehearsal tonight… let the thrill begin!

Back in the grove again.
Feels like a new and improved me.
Brilliant.

I really like it here, hope this feelings lasts. I enjoy my classes and for once feel that there is interest in my subjects. Relieved to never have to take math or science or language ever again- can you say a dyslexics dream? I sure as hell can! Brilliant simply brilliant.

But the amount of reading is killing my drive. Although all very interesting and compelling scripts I find that the amount of reading is whats taking up the majority of my time. Once I get in the grove of things it will be more doable.

Theory

Feminisim is a mixed bag in my opinion, one that is full of both high heals and burkenstocks. When asked if I myself am a feminist the answer is not so quick to the tongue. I identify with my female identity and indulge in expressing my curvish figure with pride and grace but am I an activist in doing so, not really.

To me being a feminist means I have to actively defend my femininity to the world at large. Perhaps this comes with age, and perhaps I have grown up in a society and/or bubble of the United States that allows me to express my views in an open fashion to the point where I do not feel as if I am constantly defending myself.

I am not the victim of Rape, a child of slavery or a women that has been defending myself and my freedoms to live equally. In America I feel I do stand on my own two feet and can look a man in the face and know I can go up against him for a job position and that it is my ability that will hail me employment not the genitalia between my legs.

I look at the global issues as resent as this past summer in regards to the Afghanistan law allowing starvation of Shiite wives that do not give sex to their husbands and feel remorse and drive to push for equal rights for all women, not just those whom are of privilege.

Tomorrow!

First day of classes tomorrow, nervessssss!!!!!!

Odd Configurations

Its not that society upsets me, but time crunching expectations does and thus I am lost...

Looks like it will take me two and a half years to finish at Mt.Holyoke, and since I want to have a graduation in the spring I will be graduating in spring 2012 but taking a semester off to either

a) Intern
b) Abroad
c) Work
d) All of the above

I am just an impatient person and this set back is frustrating to say the least. I know that this is the right thing to do, its just not my preferred route.

This is the right thing for me to get the most out of my academics, this is the right thing...

New home away from home, pretty huh?

Vermonto gone Masshole

The time has come for me and Stella the Honda to return to our Masshole roots.

For the past year plus I have had the pleasure of having Vermont State license plates on my civic. Because Vermont is the coolest state in the union I didnt have to change residencies but changing plates saved me close to a thousand dollars in insurance, not to mention the street cred I received!

But alas, my green plates are now white. In honor of the Kennedy's I got the 'Cape Cod and the Islands' plate, for all that they did in preserving the landscape and environment.

Some things never change

Is it sad that the only thing I am excited for on sunday is the new Kourtney and Khloe take Miami?

Seems every time I find myself looking up, something knocks me down. Hope for positive horizons... atleast in the next three days

Importance to me

I find solitude in moments where I realize that I can in fact do this. My nervous are a whirl when I think of school. This is not a new feeling, seems every September doesn’t get easier but harder to deal with as pressures mount.

I know what I am getting myself into, for the most part. I expect the struggles, the long hours, papers, professors that don’t get me. But what scares me the most what gives me the biggest mental hurtle is the reading.

Reading scares the crap out of me. I would be at peace without another text assignment, or semicolon. When people discover that I am dyslexic they think something like ‘You must read backwards’ to that I always –kindly- remind them that not all dyslexics read backwards, and I fall into the exception category. I have never read anything backwards in my life. The common misconceptions that come with my ‘stamped with approval’ disability is in the end what holds me back from allowing myself to reach my full potential.

I fear that my accomplishments are nothing more then a lucky catch, that my failures are what I am supposed to be served day in a day out. I have taken being the worst as a slogan, and being not good enough as my claim to fame. I have been out casted, told to take the bench and hardly ever told to try again. When asked what the worst thing to happen to be as a result of my learning disability is I would have to say that it primarily has to do with my conflicts as a student.

Falling behind in class was something I slowly got used to. Handing in everything on time, however never feeling satisfied with my product I slowly grew used to over time. I was never the star in the class, even if I had the vocabulary phrasing to be, I simply could not express it in ways that my cookie cutter institution asked of me. I was in a system that expressed interest in creativity and individuality but nothing of the sort was expectable come time for production. I was an under achieving smart girl.

Sunday is orientation, and I will be attending for the first time in my life, a school of higher education that values the person I am and the person I will become. A true testament to my hard work over the past… ever.

Visits to western mass remain enthusiastic, thanks to family help along the way. Yesterday was grand, new friends and living room sleepovers. Next year will be a good year.