Satisfy my soul

Yup, back at this place again. The place where you will procrastinate on ANYTHING just to avoid work. Finals. Cheers to life and all this paper glory.

I have made it to this round, round one year completed. One year down at Mt.Holyoke, two left. Crazy to think that a year ago I was just hearing back from the ten schools I had applied to, and now I have completed a year. (Completed in the classroom sense, still have three papers and final video project left... one papers due tomorrow but w.e) Comical really, the fact that I have resorted to writing on a blog rather then type four pages about Shackleton...drive motivation, what is that?

Back to the grind, see you on the other side of next thursday.

For the haters

They say that it has to do with the way you were raised, the way your mother tucked you in at night, the way your father interacted with you as a small child when you would cry in his arms, they say its how you ask for forgiveness.

I've traveled, I've fallen, I've got myself back up again just to be back at the start. It's like a 'lose a turn' card but only in the game of life but this time it is real and you can't just role again next time. This time it's fixed, set, and solid.

I have found ways to beat myself up, take myself down from the material objects that make up my representation of societal markers. I have found ways to turn the crudest of insults into the most graceful tonged words you have ever heard.

Try me, I will bring it.

All this emotion, all this passion but for what for the fight to the finish, who says I want to finish? Who says I have to finish? I feel this pressure to 'be good', this pressure to break myself into this box, this things that I 'must' become. I have heard good reason, I have found it within me to keep going, but don't ever think that this drive is from your lack of interest. Never be confussed that this fire is from something you have done.

May you never see me win.

Poster of a girl

Chuckles in the darkness, no that's just me doing this invisible dance. You see I like you loads, more then most and you bring out the best in my day dreaming 'search for the largest rock to sit on' self.

Lets talk about bliss; its my new jam.I feel this maturity and confidence that I have been missing for such a long time. I found this ability to be to protect myself yet reveal myself. Growth and much more to come.

Ive learned to be open, to take chances and just move with it. She swept me in took my hand and said she liked me, more then just a pretty little thing I cling on to, more then a riveting genius more then a great hair-cut more then exceeding expectation. I was able to look at my map turn it upside down and start walking. Bliss.

Long overdue

These letters are more to me then just symbols, these letters represent the largest part of me, these letters are the meaning of my struggle, these letters are the clay that has sculpted me, these letters are me.

I chose to have 'Strephosymbolia' tattooed not because its a direct reflection of my existence but because of what it truly means; "twisted symbols". My life for as long as I can remember has had twists and turns ups and downs role-overs and break downs, my mind has been a whirl of imagination, haunting and desire. Strephosymbolia is more then just the history of the word dyslexia, it is representation of my daily hurtles. I wear my learning difference and diagnosis as a badge of honor and a source of great seclusion. The location of this tattoo reflects those emotions perfectly. I am a curvy girl, my hips and thighs are reflections of both pride and remorse, I wanted a place that was vulnerable to me but represented me, and what could have been a better place!

I have been blessed with family and friends that support me for who I am and where I have come from but each day my learning experience, my social interactions, my ability to think is different then others because I am so conscious of how I absorb information.

I have made so many feats in my life despite opposition from others, I have kept going when I was told I couldn't do better then where I stood. I was the girl with wide eyes and big dreams but just couldn't get it, couldn't do the simple task of reading and writing out my knowledge. I was six years old when they learned that I was dyslexic and had a central auditory processing disorder, it took me until the 7th grade to learn how to read on my own.

My goal is to spread awareness about the importance of early intervention for all learning differences, my hope is that my story can help someone.

Spring 'Break'

Take home mid-terms should not be assigned over breaks its just not fair. Because for people like me who see all this time to complete it will take 15 minute sessions a day to think about all the progress they could be making, but instead will do anything but the thing I should be doing.

Which brings me to today, I was up until 7:30am working on my mid-term, woke up promptly at 12 and have been working on it ever since. Its due monday, it has to be done, so it will. Do or die time. Oh and I have a book to finish by monday also, a book that I have 30 pages read in. Good thing I did all my normal class readings two weeks early.

Ahh academia, you slay me.

fly out

Do I want to date you or be you?

Truth be told

New hair dooooo. Dyed black (a bit ago) and now cut off even shorter. I just keep justifying my thug on the daily. I promise I am not that ghostly white, it is just the lamp on my desk.