Long overdue

These letters are more to me then just symbols, these letters represent the largest part of me, these letters are the meaning of my struggle, these letters are the clay that has sculpted me, these letters are me.

I chose to have 'Strephosymbolia' tattooed not because its a direct reflection of my existence but because of what it truly means; "twisted symbols". My life for as long as I can remember has had twists and turns ups and downs role-overs and break downs, my mind has been a whirl of imagination, haunting and desire. Strephosymbolia is more then just the history of the word dyslexia, it is representation of my daily hurtles. I wear my learning difference and diagnosis as a badge of honor and a source of great seclusion. The location of this tattoo reflects those emotions perfectly. I am a curvy girl, my hips and thighs are reflections of both pride and remorse, I wanted a place that was vulnerable to me but represented me, and what could have been a better place!

I have been blessed with family and friends that support me for who I am and where I have come from but each day my learning experience, my social interactions, my ability to think is different then others because I am so conscious of how I absorb information.

I have made so many feats in my life despite opposition from others, I have kept going when I was told I couldn't do better then where I stood. I was the girl with wide eyes and big dreams but just couldn't get it, couldn't do the simple task of reading and writing out my knowledge. I was six years old when they learned that I was dyslexic and had a central auditory processing disorder, it took me until the 7th grade to learn how to read on my own.

My goal is to spread awareness about the importance of early intervention for all learning differences, my hope is that my story can help someone.

Spring 'Break'

Take home mid-terms should not be assigned over breaks its just not fair. Because for people like me who see all this time to complete it will take 15 minute sessions a day to think about all the progress they could be making, but instead will do anything but the thing I should be doing.

Which brings me to today, I was up until 7:30am working on my mid-term, woke up promptly at 12 and have been working on it ever since. Its due monday, it has to be done, so it will. Do or die time. Oh and I have a book to finish by monday also, a book that I have 30 pages read in. Good thing I did all my normal class readings two weeks early.

Ahh academia, you slay me.

fly out

Do I want to date you or be you?

Truth be told

New hair dooooo. Dyed black (a bit ago) and now cut off even shorter. I just keep justifying my thug on the daily. I promise I am not that ghostly white, it is just the lamp on my desk.

As we look around

There are so many issues with this situation; life has come and gone and we never stop and remember that this moment will be over before we even get a chance to treasure it.

I over analyze everything, the way I breath the way I talk the way I interact with people how people interact with me; you name it I have analyzed it in some way. But what I don't understand is how people can be so blind to the good. How we can sit around and never find the true essence of another, how we simply forget to appreciate each other for the simple beauties that we all are.

Because of this we don't give ourselves the respect we deserve and the rippled effect of this is not respecting others. I have come to understand in my 20 short years here on earth that I am wonderful, its not cocky it is simply true. Me, I, self is wonderful, I give and I love and I fail but I try and that is all I can do. I do my best to give my best and expect that something at some point will go my way, that somewhere along some road I will find it. ('It' being that mystifying thing we search for; money, greed, fame, success, love, lust, family etc.)

Possitivity, its my new jazz.
I am only a creature, a being but I myself am wonderful.

Novel

I wrote this a long time ago, simply titled 'Dyslexia: A love affair'

The ringer to my imaginary dial tone
Take the pages flip them, burn them, rip them
Seize the fighting dance and turn it into a poetic ballet
Lacking ability or so it is stated

I was yours, you broke me

Life is fireflies in the darkness
Delayed imaginary theories brought on silver platters
Shoulders cupped like pooled waters
Lifeless like an infants cry

I am distant like the ocean

Violet is the morning, rusty with leftover dewdrops
Hovering, hovering distance
Sing the phrases of my existence
Sing the lapping ever-longing hum of societies claimed professors

I am free, I am breathing

Beautiful grace, heavenly dusk
Mournful dove broken by dreams
Rosemary sprinkled daybreak

I am longing, I will wait

Losing in every moment, attempting to get by
Breathing in the negative surrounding
Suffocate on letters and sounds
A Genetic disposition

and it comes and goes

There comes a time where you need to give in, where fighting is irrelevant, where hoping for better is useless and where giving up is your best option. On most occasions I never say never, but recently things have been so unsecure that I feel like giving up is the best option.

This is not about one things, hardship or dilemma but more the moral of giving in taking my loses as they come packing up and heading out. No I am not transferring this is just my mental state in the current, I dwell, to much, I need a hobby something to get my extra energy out on, but yet I feel constant fatigue and no energy when I am given the opportunity.

Possibly this is because of the dwelling...

Brighter tomorrows and happy todays. I carry on, chipper and light with an air in my step hoping someone finds me fun and enjoyable enough to skip with me.