Can we classify this as an accomplishment?

Dear 2009,

You were wonderful, dreadful and exciting. Today you are over, and I am thrilled to close this chapter of my life. I have graduated with my associates, transferred successfully to a premier four year liberal arts institution, found love and lost love, gained friends and lost friends, traveled abroad to Ireland, traveled long distances in my trusty steed Stella the civic, laughed a lot and wept during times of importance.

What can be said about you 2009 is that I have changed tremendously as a result. When I work it I work the fuck out of it, regardless of what it may be, but still I find myself caught up in old games, and this years resolution will be to leave it on the table present myself the best I can and simply hope for the best but expect the absolute worst.

Sincerely yours,
A walker of this life.

Yeah, I had gay friends. The first thing I realized was that everybody's different, and it becomes obvious that all of the gay stereotypes are ridiculous. - Bruce Springsteen

Reaching

new degrees.

Towards yesterday.

Do you ever get the idea that you can and never will be able to do something right, in every aspect of life I feel this, that I will always fall short, that I will never reach the end of something, that I will never find the good.

Currently I sit in bed, under covers in bj's sulking about life and the trials and tribulations that have been surrounding me. I know that often times I over think things, put stresses where they do not belong and sit alone for no reason. But today its awkwardly warm for december, its two days past Christmas and I again fall short.

The semester is over, cheers for that, but still what have I gained if anything. Knowledge that its not always about me, or knowing that I put myself last in my life so I allow everyone else to do the same? I question everyones motives with me, I wonder if there ever will be someone to love me first from the beginning, I wonder if I will find me in the process.

Oh to be 20, this decade will be a roller coaster I know it.

Yesterday in a car with a friend I have known upwards of 7 years (crazy) we have shared countless memories, of childhood youth of getting older of heartbreak of love and we have been there supporting each other without even knowing it. I have never had a disagreement with this friend, a true soul mate, we do not argue, we just are each others friend; and good ones. Talking about the issues we face in the present and what we hope for the future with the undertowns of Jay-Z, Stars and School of Seven Bells humming in the background as we travel to a favorite destination of Newbury Comics.

I expect what she expects; support.

Things have been hectic, sleep hasn't happened, but life goes on. We try to catch it in the moment, in the eye of another or in the laugh of a loved one. We know that we must be patient in life, wait for others to come around to the ideas of things but in this hectic world we desire instant gratification and response as speedy as a text message.

... and the verdict is

DONEZO!!

First semester at a new school officially completed! There have been bumps (many) along this windy road, but I have found that I can in fact make it here, and I will! I could sleep for days, I think everything in me has suddenly hit that I have been awake and running like a made women for days/weeks/months.

All in all I have learned more and retained more in the past semester then I think I have in years. Great start, a nice kick start to remind me why I chose Mt.Holyoke over others; I deserve this education.

Today I have a few errands to run, coffee to consume and a two hour drive up to the White Mountains of New Hampshire. I will be surrounded by family for the next few days, hustle and bustle of presents, spirits and cheer. Christmas is always a time for celebrating the ones you love, keep it fresh and with a sprig of Holly!

In the Holiday spirit

Should be finishing my paper, but honestly I am so over this semester I could care less. Give it an hour and I will care, for now however.

If you could only see

Tis true, I have been making bad decisions since 1989. First with placing my hand on a hot stove, then tumbling down staircases, now ladiessssssss.

One class completely completed as of 10pm last evening, just have to make it to class in 20 minutes, so thrilled to be completed with Political Ecology.

Fact: I am not a ecologist
Fact: I can do more for the environment
Fact: I fucking earned this A-/B+ grade

Huzzah, last day of classes is tomorrow, I will be home wednesday to finish/start a paper do the 22nd.

It-will-be-over-before-Jesus-day.

More legit entries soon to follow. January will be full of tattoos, yoga, and volunteer hours coupled with lots of tea and friendships.

Pretty much on target

Typical Notion

.... and when I get that feeling that I have become a number again it reignites my flame.