Towards yesterday.

Do you ever get the idea that you can and never will be able to do something right, in every aspect of life I feel this, that I will always fall short, that I will never reach the end of something, that I will never find the good.

Currently I sit in bed, under covers in bj's sulking about life and the trials and tribulations that have been surrounding me. I know that often times I over think things, put stresses where they do not belong and sit alone for no reason. But today its awkwardly warm for december, its two days past Christmas and I again fall short.

The semester is over, cheers for that, but still what have I gained if anything. Knowledge that its not always about me, or knowing that I put myself last in my life so I allow everyone else to do the same? I question everyones motives with me, I wonder if there ever will be someone to love me first from the beginning, I wonder if I will find me in the process.

Oh to be 20, this decade will be a roller coaster I know it.

Yesterday in a car with a friend I have known upwards of 7 years (crazy) we have shared countless memories, of childhood youth of getting older of heartbreak of love and we have been there supporting each other without even knowing it. I have never had a disagreement with this friend, a true soul mate, we do not argue, we just are each others friend; and good ones. Talking about the issues we face in the present and what we hope for the future with the undertowns of Jay-Z, Stars and School of Seven Bells humming in the background as we travel to a favorite destination of Newbury Comics.

I expect what she expects; support.

Things have been hectic, sleep hasn't happened, but life goes on. We try to catch it in the moment, in the eye of another or in the laugh of a loved one. We know that we must be patient in life, wait for others to come around to the ideas of things but in this hectic world we desire instant gratification and response as speedy as a text message.