Adventures

Stunning Image from my recent trip to Lake George in upstate New York.

It's those summer days, those hot nights where you want to sleep alone on a cold bed with eight fans on. Those nights you cant seem to get enough sleep because your so sweaty that every fiber of your being is stuck to something, stuck to the bed frame, the sheets, the air. You feel trapped and suffocated but at the same time you feel refreshed that its summer and all your academic worries have drifted from your mental state, but have they?

I feel conflicted, like I forgot something along the last month of my life, did I miss a paper or deadline, did I forget to call someone? I forgot to take it all in that I finished my first year in a new place, that is what I forgot to do. I knew it was being done, that the finish was there but suddenly it was noon on the last day of finals and I was done, but I forgot how it happened.

sidenote of 100%

The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances; if there is any reaction, both are transformed - Carl Gustav Jung

And in the end

We hope for the best,
We plan for the worst.

We expect to learn,
We understand if we fail.

But in the end all the matters is who we meet along the way.

Satisfy my soul

Yup, back at this place again. The place where you will procrastinate on ANYTHING just to avoid work. Finals. Cheers to life and all this paper glory.

I have made it to this round, round one year completed. One year down at Mt.Holyoke, two left. Crazy to think that a year ago I was just hearing back from the ten schools I had applied to, and now I have completed a year. (Completed in the classroom sense, still have three papers and final video project left... one papers due tomorrow but w.e) Comical really, the fact that I have resorted to writing on a blog rather then type four pages about Shackleton...drive motivation, what is that?

Back to the grind, see you on the other side of next thursday.

For the haters

They say that it has to do with the way you were raised, the way your mother tucked you in at night, the way your father interacted with you as a small child when you would cry in his arms, they say its how you ask for forgiveness.

I've traveled, I've fallen, I've got myself back up again just to be back at the start. It's like a 'lose a turn' card but only in the game of life but this time it is real and you can't just role again next time. This time it's fixed, set, and solid.

I have found ways to beat myself up, take myself down from the material objects that make up my representation of societal markers. I have found ways to turn the crudest of insults into the most graceful tonged words you have ever heard.

Try me, I will bring it.

All this emotion, all this passion but for what for the fight to the finish, who says I want to finish? Who says I have to finish? I feel this pressure to 'be good', this pressure to break myself into this box, this things that I 'must' become. I have heard good reason, I have found it within me to keep going, but don't ever think that this drive is from your lack of interest. Never be confussed that this fire is from something you have done.

May you never see me win.

Poster of a girl

Chuckles in the darkness, no that's just me doing this invisible dance. You see I like you loads, more then most and you bring out the best in my day dreaming 'search for the largest rock to sit on' self.

Lets talk about bliss; its my new jam.I feel this maturity and confidence that I have been missing for such a long time. I found this ability to be to protect myself yet reveal myself. Growth and much more to come.

Ive learned to be open, to take chances and just move with it. She swept me in took my hand and said she liked me, more then just a pretty little thing I cling on to, more then a riveting genius more then a great hair-cut more then exceeding expectation. I was able to look at my map turn it upside down and start walking. Bliss.